I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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