TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
