Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
