Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
And then my night got REAL pukey
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
