I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
