I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
