i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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