Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
