dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
