She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
