eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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