You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I did not marry a roomba.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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