): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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