Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
