when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
