Buhtt sex?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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