can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I think my moral compass just broke
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
