woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
