Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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