I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
