This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
now i know why i became what i already was.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
