I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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