So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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