it hurts more in the daytime
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
