I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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