dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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