i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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