Heybabeimwearingurpanties
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
