my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
