I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
he quoted the bible to break up with me
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
