he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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