I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
