***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
