Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
