I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
