We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
vagina is talking i cant
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
