Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
