i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
