My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
