morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
