Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
