Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
