sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
