We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
