just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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