Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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