wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
