Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
