the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
