He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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