if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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